So we moved into our new place and it's very good. It's a lot bigger than the apartment and now we have all our stuff out of storage and with us. And I have to say I'm a bit overwhelmed with it all. It feels like it's taking forever to get settled in and unpacked. It feels like there are boxes every where and things are still in such upheaval. I still find myself going through things and tossing stuff out. Also thinking about what to get rid of when I feel like we've purged so much already. Ugh! I'd like to just leave it all behind. Yet, there are a lot of keepsakes too. So, I plan to enjoy what we have and use everything possible. I figure enjoy it for the next few years then be ready to get rid of everything and move to Mexico.
I also did not finish the Levitt Challenge. It's disappointing but I don't know how I could have gotten it done well with all the moving and changes. The Reading Nook project is going forward any way so that is good.
I still gotta finish those CEU's! I keep meaning to do it at work and don't have time. I really wish I could take a couple of days off work to get this house in order. It's so annoying to have it feel so junky like this.
And I'm starting a new diet next week with the gym. I'm looking forward to it. Maybe this is the summer to shed all the stuff and pounds I've been carrying around for so long. It's time to create that simpler and healthier life now. I hope I can do it.
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
Sunday, April 16, 2017
I started the new job and things seem to be going well. It's a faith based hospital and they do not shy away from making that known, which is good. It's nice to work someplace that has a Christian mission. It has a nice atmosphere and they want their employees to be happy. Of course I've run into a few disgruntled people but that will be any where. I'm not letting it phase me. I got set up with my cubicle and made my mindfulness corner and put up a few pics of me and Tim in Mexico, plus one of my favorite pics I took at Tulum.
I can tell that taking a year off did my mind a lot of good. I'm a lot less forgetful and have even been remembering people's names! I wrote down things that I need to remember and that has also helped a lot. I haven't fucked up too much stuff yet, lol!
I also got my first paycheck and it was more than I thought it would be, which is good! They aren't taking out $$ for benefits yet, so I'll have several nice paychecks before that starts. I reviewed the budget and will be completely debt free in a year if nothing really expensive comes up. *fingers crossed*.
And, we found a great duplex to move in to, which we are doing in two weeks! We are both excieted to move and it's three blocks from the hospital. So, I can walk or ride my bike to work which I'm excited about being able to do again, like I did when I worked at KUMC. That will also be good for me.
So, I find myself saying that God answers prayers in ways we don't expect. The hospital also does medical mission trips as part of following it's organizational Christian mission. I won't go this fall but will plan to go next year. The way things are working out make me feel this is where I'm supposed to be and God is providing me with what I need. I don't know career wise where this is going. I'm just doing the job, doing my best and going with it.
So, tasks going forward--
1) get my LSCSW CEUS! eeks--I've let that go too long. It's due soon and I need to get that done.
2) finish the Levitt challenge things at UMKC
3) still need to do my passport and social security card. but I did find my birth certificate so will do that as soon as we move. It's in a safe deposit box so at least I know where it is now! lol!
I can tell that taking a year off did my mind a lot of good. I'm a lot less forgetful and have even been remembering people's names! I wrote down things that I need to remember and that has also helped a lot. I haven't fucked up too much stuff yet, lol!
I also got my first paycheck and it was more than I thought it would be, which is good! They aren't taking out $$ for benefits yet, so I'll have several nice paychecks before that starts. I reviewed the budget and will be completely debt free in a year if nothing really expensive comes up. *fingers crossed*.
And, we found a great duplex to move in to, which we are doing in two weeks! We are both excieted to move and it's three blocks from the hospital. So, I can walk or ride my bike to work which I'm excited about being able to do again, like I did when I worked at KUMC. That will also be good for me.
So, I find myself saying that God answers prayers in ways we don't expect. The hospital also does medical mission trips as part of following it's organizational Christian mission. I won't go this fall but will plan to go next year. The way things are working out make me feel this is where I'm supposed to be and God is providing me with what I need. I don't know career wise where this is going. I'm just doing the job, doing my best and going with it.
So, tasks going forward--
1) get my LSCSW CEUS! eeks--I've let that go too long. It's due soon and I need to get that done.
2) finish the Levitt challenge things at UMKC
3) still need to do my passport and social security card. but I did find my birth certificate so will do that as soon as we move. It's in a safe deposit box so at least I know where it is now! lol!
Sunday, March 5, 2017
moving forward with new dreams/plans
so, I got the job at the hospital and it will be good. I'll be doing discharge planning for people on dialysis and in the ER, as well as a couple other small areas. There will be some on-call but doesn't sound too bad. Everyone seems nice and I'm happy they hired me. At least now I'll be making real money again.
And so I'm done with the dream of doing international humanitarian work or even work in the church. I'm going to work at the hospital, and at the home care agency, make good money, save and then move to Mexico. Tim will turn 62 in 5 years and be able to draw social security. There is nothing more I need here in the US. I'm planning to down size even more than we already have. Pare down the doll collections and work on putting medals and awards in a couple of shadow boxes. I want everything I own to fit in my car.
We are planning to move soon as well and get stuff out of storage. We are looking at townhouse that would work well. I'm still holding out for a rental in this neighborhood that is along a bike trail and super close to the hospital, but we will see.
Overall I feel I'm just done with the whole thing. Don't want to be in leadership, don't care about crap at church. Don't want to be involved in stuff any more where I'm not getting paid, except Kuomba. My plan is to work well at the hospital, do a good job and not get into stuff with people.
I am still doing crossfit and have surprised myself during the open challenge. Toes to bar, and really anything involving the bar pull ups, is what I cannot do. Not even one. So, going to start working on that and next year will do much better.
So, my three things in life will be, work (making money), crossfit, Kuomba. that's it. I intend to spend the rest of my time enjoying life and relaxing. I will finish my nonprofit certification next fall since I only have one more class left.
The dream now is to move to Mexico with Tim and that is very doable. It will involve getting some debt paid but that is also doable with my soon to be salary. My car is paid off finally. Next is one credit card and the student loans. Barring any unforeseen disasters, I should get caught up in a year.
My goals for the next two weeks, before my new job starts, is to
1. make a passport appointment to get that renewed
2. get my license name updated
3. try and find my birth certificate so I can update my social security card
I have two more weeks at the bakery. I'm off on St Patricks day and I plan to attend the KC parade and drink green beer. Fuck it, enjoy life and every minute of it.
And so I'm done with the dream of doing international humanitarian work or even work in the church. I'm going to work at the hospital, and at the home care agency, make good money, save and then move to Mexico. Tim will turn 62 in 5 years and be able to draw social security. There is nothing more I need here in the US. I'm planning to down size even more than we already have. Pare down the doll collections and work on putting medals and awards in a couple of shadow boxes. I want everything I own to fit in my car.
We are planning to move soon as well and get stuff out of storage. We are looking at townhouse that would work well. I'm still holding out for a rental in this neighborhood that is along a bike trail and super close to the hospital, but we will see.
Overall I feel I'm just done with the whole thing. Don't want to be in leadership, don't care about crap at church. Don't want to be involved in stuff any more where I'm not getting paid, except Kuomba. My plan is to work well at the hospital, do a good job and not get into stuff with people.
I am still doing crossfit and have surprised myself during the open challenge. Toes to bar, and really anything involving the bar pull ups, is what I cannot do. Not even one. So, going to start working on that and next year will do much better.
So, my three things in life will be, work (making money), crossfit, Kuomba. that's it. I intend to spend the rest of my time enjoying life and relaxing. I will finish my nonprofit certification next fall since I only have one more class left.
The dream now is to move to Mexico with Tim and that is very doable. It will involve getting some debt paid but that is also doable with my soon to be salary. My car is paid off finally. Next is one credit card and the student loans. Barring any unforeseen disasters, I should get caught up in a year.
My goals for the next two weeks, before my new job starts, is to
1. make a passport appointment to get that renewed
2. get my license name updated
3. try and find my birth certificate so I can update my social security card
I have two more weeks at the bakery. I'm off on St Patricks day and I plan to attend the KC parade and drink green beer. Fuck it, enjoy life and every minute of it.
Sunday, February 5, 2017
january sucked
So January started out great with an interview at a nonprofit doing refugee service coordination and then had a second interview. I was sure I was about to be offered the job then started getting the run around about when they would have a decision. Then Trump was sworn in and then he put a grinding halt to letting refugees into the country. So the job was rescinded and now I have no full-time job. and no prospects in the nonprofit social service world. Or international humanitarian world. I did start a PRN gig at a home health agency which has helped me pay the bills for the month of January. Now that job really is PRN in that I have to wait for referrals to come in and that could be four a 4 week or 2 a month. So that is not a steady source of income. Right now I barely have enough income to pay the bills through the middle of the month. Don't know what I'm going to do but feeling pretty bleak about it all. At least this is the last month of car payments and I'm trying to stop payments on this long term care insurance I have. That will eliminate $230 per month from my expenses. And our phones are paid for so that's another $40 per month. But that is about all I can eliminate. I just keep hoping SOMETHING will come up to give me steady income until we can move into a cheaper place.
So, now I'm back to applying for hospital social work jobs. sigh. Not what I wanted at all, but it is something I can do. I applied for a position at a hospital near my house. I should be a good candidate but who knows what they will think of someone who's worked at the two biggest hospitals in town and left both.
And then there's the social enterprenuership challenge at school. I am working with a pastor and his wife and I thought we were on the same page and had the same thoughts about how to use a building and expand a ministry. When we met this last weekend in class I realize we are not. He said he's been doing some reports and his superiors want some results, "now." And "we are not a social service agency." If he can do some programs to build a ministry that is fine. I don't have any idea what his vision of this is. At all. I know my vision and I'm not sure it's gelling with his at this point. so not sure where to go with that or where he is going with all of this but not feeling we are moving in the same direction. I think he is looking at this challenge as a way to see if the business model can help build a ministry. I'm looking at it to help solve a social problem in that community. It can be the same thing but I don't think it is.
So, I have not met my workout goals, although I was doing crossfit a little more consistently. Not eating well at all.
I started January feeling the winds of change and good forward movement and now feel the wind has been taken out of my sails. I have no idea what direction to go next or how I'm going to financially make it. But, here's what I'm going to do tomorrow:
get my home care ipad password corrected and schedule my first home care patient
get my reimbursement check from church and deposit that
call Prudential to make sure they got my cancellation letter
call Aflac to cancel that accidental insurance policy
go to work at the bakery
On Tuesday I plan to talk with the crossfit people to see if we can work out a deal to lower my monthly payment and still be able to work out a couple of times per week.
see what I need to do to update my passport which expires this year.
and that's all I have. No idea, other than work at the bakery, what will happen after that. But hoping to God something comes along this month that is more positive.
feeling discouraged.
So, now I'm back to applying for hospital social work jobs. sigh. Not what I wanted at all, but it is something I can do. I applied for a position at a hospital near my house. I should be a good candidate but who knows what they will think of someone who's worked at the two biggest hospitals in town and left both.
And then there's the social enterprenuership challenge at school. I am working with a pastor and his wife and I thought we were on the same page and had the same thoughts about how to use a building and expand a ministry. When we met this last weekend in class I realize we are not. He said he's been doing some reports and his superiors want some results, "now." And "we are not a social service agency." If he can do some programs to build a ministry that is fine. I don't have any idea what his vision of this is. At all. I know my vision and I'm not sure it's gelling with his at this point. so not sure where to go with that or where he is going with all of this but not feeling we are moving in the same direction. I think he is looking at this challenge as a way to see if the business model can help build a ministry. I'm looking at it to help solve a social problem in that community. It can be the same thing but I don't think it is.
So, I have not met my workout goals, although I was doing crossfit a little more consistently. Not eating well at all.
I started January feeling the winds of change and good forward movement and now feel the wind has been taken out of my sails. I have no idea what direction to go next or how I'm going to financially make it. But, here's what I'm going to do tomorrow:
get my home care ipad password corrected and schedule my first home care patient
get my reimbursement check from church and deposit that
call Prudential to make sure they got my cancellation letter
call Aflac to cancel that accidental insurance policy
go to work at the bakery
On Tuesday I plan to talk with the crossfit people to see if we can work out a deal to lower my monthly payment and still be able to work out a couple of times per week.
see what I need to do to update my passport which expires this year.
and that's all I have. No idea, other than work at the bakery, what will happen after that. But hoping to God something comes along this month that is more positive.
feeling discouraged.
Friday, December 30, 2016
December 30, 2016
Haven't blogged in quite a while.
and perhaps 2017 is the year to get back into it. 2016 has been great. I quit that job that was sucking the life out of me. I went back to school and have learned so much! It's been very useful to be able to focus on school and things I can do differently at work going forward. If I could go back to the beginning at CMH there are so may things I would have done differently. Perhaps I would still be there, who knows. Maybe not.
So, I'm looking for social work jobs again in smaller nonprofits. I still want to move into more of a management role so I may start again at the bottom. Which also means a much smaller salary but that's ok. Now I know better what to do at work to be seen as a leader.
And I have some goals for 2017.
Work out 5 days a week at crossfit (which I love doing!)
follow a real diet plan
pay off 1 credit card
finish my nonprofit certificate
go back to Mexico in August
develop the UM Urban Ministry with Pastor Williams
The biggest goal is to be a positive person. No more all negative talk. It's ok to vent frustrations, but there are always solutions. Life is short. No more complaining. Tomorrow is never promised so make the most of today.
I'm going to try and blog one time per month to track how I'm doing.
So starting next week I'll be here keeping myself accountable.
Haven't blogged in quite a while.
and perhaps 2017 is the year to get back into it. 2016 has been great. I quit that job that was sucking the life out of me. I went back to school and have learned so much! It's been very useful to be able to focus on school and things I can do differently at work going forward. If I could go back to the beginning at CMH there are so may things I would have done differently. Perhaps I would still be there, who knows. Maybe not.
So, I'm looking for social work jobs again in smaller nonprofits. I still want to move into more of a management role so I may start again at the bottom. Which also means a much smaller salary but that's ok. Now I know better what to do at work to be seen as a leader.
And I have some goals for 2017.
Work out 5 days a week at crossfit (which I love doing!)
follow a real diet plan
pay off 1 credit card
finish my nonprofit certificate
go back to Mexico in August
develop the UM Urban Ministry with Pastor Williams
The biggest goal is to be a positive person. No more all negative talk. It's ok to vent frustrations, but there are always solutions. Life is short. No more complaining. Tomorrow is never promised so make the most of today.
I'm going to try and blog one time per month to track how I'm doing.
So starting next week I'll be here keeping myself accountable.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
when you're done you're done
There comes that time when you know you're done. With a relationship, with a job--which is also a relationship of sorts. I know I am done. For so long I thought I would be sad about leaving and that it would be hard. Now I don't think so.
I was watching the Ninja challenge on NBC last night. A guy on the show said that at some point maybe he would get a real job. But realized he has a dream and said "who wants a real job any way?" I said, you don't want a "real job." I knew what he meant, an 8-5 job, daily grind, daily commute, clock in and out, type of job. I know a certain level of certainty comes with that type of job. An guaranteed income, benefits, insurance, vacation. But at what price? Does certainty mean happiness?
I admire people who go after a dream rather that "a real job." I wish I had that kind of courage.
And last week a couple of people said they are planning a trip to Mozambique next summer. I wanted to go and the old fears of uncertainty crept in..money and would I have enough? Wanting to move and having enough money for moving and traveling. Then I thought to myself, this is exactly the fear that has kept me from doing the trips I've wanted to do in the past. The regrets I looked back on now and wish I had gone on the trip instead of worrying if I had enough money.
And then I thought I want to go. And if I live every day towards that goal of doing the big things I like, instead of doing the little things I do in order to cope with the life I have--and don't like---then I would have the money. It's a switch in thinking. Not worrying, yet prioritizing what my dream is.
God give me the courage and opportunity to do what you have put in my heart. To go forward without fear or hesitation. To not worry about the what if's. To know that you will provide for everything I need, and that I already have everything I need to survive. Now I need to live. Really live every day, not just a few times a year or once in a while.
The first step's always the hardest one to take---it's a leap of faith.
I was watching the Ninja challenge on NBC last night. A guy on the show said that at some point maybe he would get a real job. But realized he has a dream and said "who wants a real job any way?" I said, you don't want a "real job." I knew what he meant, an 8-5 job, daily grind, daily commute, clock in and out, type of job. I know a certain level of certainty comes with that type of job. An guaranteed income, benefits, insurance, vacation. But at what price? Does certainty mean happiness?
I admire people who go after a dream rather that "a real job." I wish I had that kind of courage.
And last week a couple of people said they are planning a trip to Mozambique next summer. I wanted to go and the old fears of uncertainty crept in..money and would I have enough? Wanting to move and having enough money for moving and traveling. Then I thought to myself, this is exactly the fear that has kept me from doing the trips I've wanted to do in the past. The regrets I looked back on now and wish I had gone on the trip instead of worrying if I had enough money.
And then I thought I want to go. And if I live every day towards that goal of doing the big things I like, instead of doing the little things I do in order to cope with the life I have--and don't like---then I would have the money. It's a switch in thinking. Not worrying, yet prioritizing what my dream is.
God give me the courage and opportunity to do what you have put in my heart. To go forward without fear or hesitation. To not worry about the what if's. To know that you will provide for everything I need, and that I already have everything I need to survive. Now I need to live. Really live every day, not just a few times a year or once in a while.
The first step's always the hardest one to take---it's a leap of faith.
Friday, July 4, 2014
what is the best of my life
I've done very well this week eating lunches from home, walking almost every day, keeping on top of things. And what are the bigger picture things. What exactly does the best of my life look like? Last night Tim and I were at our favorite watering hole, sitting outside with some friends we have met at that bar. It was a beautiful night and I thought about how lucky we are to be in the USA, having a drink, sitting outside enjoying good company. This is what life is about--enjoying these moments and I wanted more of those. So I began to ponder how to make the best of my life while I was making salsa verde for the family cookout this evening.
I still hope for a job that is a little less intense. I don't mind being busy, but social work is too intense. Still working and looking for that opportunity.
Less of a commute and a more flexible schedule.
I'd like to see some places I haven't been. Yellowstone for one. Return to San Francisco and see the redwoods, maybe wine country. France, Italy, Australia. I'd go back to Hawaii but see a different Island. My ultimate trip is the Maldives---I've seen pictures and would love to see it in person. Plus I'd get to layover in Dubai and I think it would be interesting to see a middle eastern country.
Have a home that's less maintenance. I know a townhome community I'd like to live in that's also beside a walking trail and stream. I need to have faith in that timing of selling Tim's house and finding the right place there. If not there, then some place similar. I'd like to come home to a sanctuary. (of course, convincing Tim we need to live there too! HA! I think it does have what we both want).
Be able to run again. Not run fast or compete, but just run easy and feel good.
Do a mission trip every year out of the country. I really enjoy that kind of travel and supporting developing countries.
These are all doable things. I doing all little things every day, leads to having the bigger things.
I still hope for a job that is a little less intense. I don't mind being busy, but social work is too intense. Still working and looking for that opportunity.
Less of a commute and a more flexible schedule.
I'd like to see some places I haven't been. Yellowstone for one. Return to San Francisco and see the redwoods, maybe wine country. France, Italy, Australia. I'd go back to Hawaii but see a different Island. My ultimate trip is the Maldives---I've seen pictures and would love to see it in person. Plus I'd get to layover in Dubai and I think it would be interesting to see a middle eastern country.
Have a home that's less maintenance. I know a townhome community I'd like to live in that's also beside a walking trail and stream. I need to have faith in that timing of selling Tim's house and finding the right place there. If not there, then some place similar. I'd like to come home to a sanctuary. (of course, convincing Tim we need to live there too! HA! I think it does have what we both want).
Be able to run again. Not run fast or compete, but just run easy and feel good.
Do a mission trip every year out of the country. I really enjoy that kind of travel and supporting developing countries.
These are all doable things. I doing all little things every day, leads to having the bigger things.
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