Well, if you asked me this time last year if I would be where I am now, I would have said no. But I'm in a good place with work. I'm supervising an LSCSW for extra pay, doing home health for extra pay and doing well at work. The past two weeks have been crazy but at least I'm getting some R&R this weekend. And I've decided to move forward with getting the MPA with an emphasis in healthcare. I'll never move up with just an MSW, at least not in this hospital. But SMMC is part of a bigger health organization, AHS, so I could potentially move to another hospital if I wanted a supervisor position or some other type of position outside of social work. At least it's worth a shot. and the hospital pays for school so definitely worth it!
So these past few weeks have also been a challenge. Spent some time with my mom in October for her retirement. Will just say it didn't end well. So, I'm just done with the whole situation. I have not talked with her since then. Trying to figure out how to go forward. I realized that I am a total idiot. I keep hoping she will get her life together and she never will. She has no desire to do the real work it will take to make that happen. She only blames other people for her problems and cant manage her life. So, I didn't go down for Thanksgiving and I'm not going down this weekend either. I'll go down to Enid next weekend to visit and will go and see Chloe. will also visit with family. And I've been thinking about things this weekend. I want the holidays to be a happy time. To see family and have good memories. Every Christmas seems like a frustrating mess because the only thing she wants is for everyone to be at her house on Christmas day. There is no compromising, no middle ground, and when we do something else then she is mad and accuses us of never chosing her. I'm tired of the guilt and shame. She is making these choices. We have other family to see and we cannot always be with her on Christmas day itself. I'm over it. I'm going to do what I want from here forward. She can chose to make herself upset, angry and whatever else she is feeling. She can chose how she is going to respond.
I thought today about how my brother, sister in law and Tim can make our own plans. I would like for us to have a good time at the holidays. I plan to ask David and Mary what they would like to do, hopefully on a yearly basis, so that we always know what our family time will be (pending weather of course). I don't care what day it is, or what we really do for that matter. Travel, or stay home or decide to rotate where we are. But she will be invited and she can chose what she wants to do. And I don't care how she feels about it. I think about my friend Rebecca, and the first year anniversary of her husband's death. Her advise about life and "no more bullshit." Well, she is so right. We do have some choice as long as we are alive in how we are going to respond to what is happening. And I chose no more bullshit--no more guilt, no more taking on the responsibility of how someone else's anger, no more doing "the right thing" just to make someone else happy and the expense of my own boundaries.
So, 2018 goals.
Credit card debt will be paid off by May 1
save $100 per month until credit cards are paid off then save $500 per month
pay $100 per month on student load amount until credit cards are paid off then $500 per month
Stick to the budget!
Be better about not eating junk food
Keep doing Crossfit. I may change gyms depending on how things go the next few months.
Take my next class for the MPA and see how that goes.
and that's it!
No comments:
Post a Comment