I've had different dreams about running most of my life. When I was a competitive runner, my dreams were often that I could not get going fast enough, or I was running lopsided with one leg shorter than the other. Since I've pretty much quit running, in my dreams I run like the wind! I've never understood why my dreams are the opposite of my real life.
Another recurring dream I have is that I have another year of eligibilty to run at Southwestern. (for those of you who haven't known me long, Southwestern College is where I went to college on a cross country/track scholarship). When a person goes to college and participates in a sport, we only get four years to participate or have "eligibility". Once you've competed in that sport for four years, you're done. There's no going back. The fours years doesn't renew itself after a period of time. It's over.
Every so often I'll dream that for whatever reason, I have another year left, and I return to Southwesstern to run with the team. I'm at the exact age I am now and the girls are 18-22. I usually realize how terribly out of shape I am and wonder how I'm going to keep up. In last night's dream I was even outside of Coach Helmer's office, waiting to talk with him about being on the team again. Of course he was busy with new high school recruits. I walked past his office , checking out to see if he was there, then waiting outside the office, then inside and feeling a bit intrusive while he was talking to some high school kid. I finally told him I'd come back another time and left his office. Then the alarm went off. The feeling was so real I had to tell myself it was just a dream, that I did not have any more eligibility left to run in college. Even if I went back to college now, I would not be able to run on the cross country team again.
Are these dreams a sign of unfinished business or regrets? I don't know. I'm kind of sad I never qualified for nationals but I know I did the best with what I had at the time. My only regret now is that I didn't give myself enough credit for how good I really was. No, I was not an Olympian, but I could run a 6 minute mile, easily. Heck, I could run a mile in about 7:30 and still have a converstation with my teammates while running it! In my mind I can still do it.
I went out on a run on Sunday with the dog. I jogged for 10 minutes and didn't quite make a mile. I walked for 10 minutes then jogged another 10 minutes and that was enough. These days the goal is just to get out the door and do something. The days of PR's, long runs and track workouts are long over. But, if the you-tube guy with the broken back and leg braces can work himself out of that bondage to running, well, so can I.
Coach Helmer taught us many great lessons about life through our running. The two that stand out in my mind are "Don't waste your opportunities" and "you can always do one more." I'll never give up thinking I have one more mile in me.
