so, I got the job at the hospital and it will be good. I'll be doing discharge planning for people on dialysis and in the ER, as well as a couple other small areas. There will be some on-call but doesn't sound too bad. Everyone seems nice and I'm happy they hired me. At least now I'll be making real money again.
And so I'm done with the dream of doing international humanitarian work or even work in the church. I'm going to work at the hospital, and at the home care agency, make good money, save and then move to Mexico. Tim will turn 62 in 5 years and be able to draw social security. There is nothing more I need here in the US. I'm planning to down size even more than we already have. Pare down the doll collections and work on putting medals and awards in a couple of shadow boxes. I want everything I own to fit in my car.
We are planning to move soon as well and get stuff out of storage. We are looking at townhouse that would work well. I'm still holding out for a rental in this neighborhood that is along a bike trail and super close to the hospital, but we will see.
Overall I feel I'm just done with the whole thing. Don't want to be in leadership, don't care about crap at church. Don't want to be involved in stuff any more where I'm not getting paid, except Kuomba. My plan is to work well at the hospital, do a good job and not get into stuff with people.
I am still doing crossfit and have surprised myself during the open challenge. Toes to bar, and really anything involving the bar pull ups, is what I cannot do. Not even one. So, going to start working on that and next year will do much better.
So, my three things in life will be, work (making money), crossfit, Kuomba. that's it. I intend to spend the rest of my time enjoying life and relaxing. I will finish my nonprofit certification next fall since I only have one more class left.
The dream now is to move to Mexico with Tim and that is very doable. It will involve getting some debt paid but that is also doable with my soon to be salary. My car is paid off finally. Next is one credit card and the student loans. Barring any unforeseen disasters, I should get caught up in a year.
My goals for the next two weeks, before my new job starts, is to
1. make a passport appointment to get that renewed
2. get my license name updated
3. try and find my birth certificate so I can update my social security card
I have two more weeks at the bakery. I'm off on St Patricks day and I plan to attend the KC parade and drink green beer. Fuck it, enjoy life and every minute of it.
Sunday, March 5, 2017
Sunday, February 5, 2017
january sucked
So January started out great with an interview at a nonprofit doing refugee service coordination and then had a second interview. I was sure I was about to be offered the job then started getting the run around about when they would have a decision. Then Trump was sworn in and then he put a grinding halt to letting refugees into the country. So the job was rescinded and now I have no full-time job. and no prospects in the nonprofit social service world. Or international humanitarian world. I did start a PRN gig at a home health agency which has helped me pay the bills for the month of January. Now that job really is PRN in that I have to wait for referrals to come in and that could be four a 4 week or 2 a month. So that is not a steady source of income. Right now I barely have enough income to pay the bills through the middle of the month. Don't know what I'm going to do but feeling pretty bleak about it all. At least this is the last month of car payments and I'm trying to stop payments on this long term care insurance I have. That will eliminate $230 per month from my expenses. And our phones are paid for so that's another $40 per month. But that is about all I can eliminate. I just keep hoping SOMETHING will come up to give me steady income until we can move into a cheaper place.
So, now I'm back to applying for hospital social work jobs. sigh. Not what I wanted at all, but it is something I can do. I applied for a position at a hospital near my house. I should be a good candidate but who knows what they will think of someone who's worked at the two biggest hospitals in town and left both.
And then there's the social enterprenuership challenge at school. I am working with a pastor and his wife and I thought we were on the same page and had the same thoughts about how to use a building and expand a ministry. When we met this last weekend in class I realize we are not. He said he's been doing some reports and his superiors want some results, "now." And "we are not a social service agency." If he can do some programs to build a ministry that is fine. I don't have any idea what his vision of this is. At all. I know my vision and I'm not sure it's gelling with his at this point. so not sure where to go with that or where he is going with all of this but not feeling we are moving in the same direction. I think he is looking at this challenge as a way to see if the business model can help build a ministry. I'm looking at it to help solve a social problem in that community. It can be the same thing but I don't think it is.
So, I have not met my workout goals, although I was doing crossfit a little more consistently. Not eating well at all.
I started January feeling the winds of change and good forward movement and now feel the wind has been taken out of my sails. I have no idea what direction to go next or how I'm going to financially make it. But, here's what I'm going to do tomorrow:
get my home care ipad password corrected and schedule my first home care patient
get my reimbursement check from church and deposit that
call Prudential to make sure they got my cancellation letter
call Aflac to cancel that accidental insurance policy
go to work at the bakery
On Tuesday I plan to talk with the crossfit people to see if we can work out a deal to lower my monthly payment and still be able to work out a couple of times per week.
see what I need to do to update my passport which expires this year.
and that's all I have. No idea, other than work at the bakery, what will happen after that. But hoping to God something comes along this month that is more positive.
feeling discouraged.
So, now I'm back to applying for hospital social work jobs. sigh. Not what I wanted at all, but it is something I can do. I applied for a position at a hospital near my house. I should be a good candidate but who knows what they will think of someone who's worked at the two biggest hospitals in town and left both.
And then there's the social enterprenuership challenge at school. I am working with a pastor and his wife and I thought we were on the same page and had the same thoughts about how to use a building and expand a ministry. When we met this last weekend in class I realize we are not. He said he's been doing some reports and his superiors want some results, "now." And "we are not a social service agency." If he can do some programs to build a ministry that is fine. I don't have any idea what his vision of this is. At all. I know my vision and I'm not sure it's gelling with his at this point. so not sure where to go with that or where he is going with all of this but not feeling we are moving in the same direction. I think he is looking at this challenge as a way to see if the business model can help build a ministry. I'm looking at it to help solve a social problem in that community. It can be the same thing but I don't think it is.
So, I have not met my workout goals, although I was doing crossfit a little more consistently. Not eating well at all.
I started January feeling the winds of change and good forward movement and now feel the wind has been taken out of my sails. I have no idea what direction to go next or how I'm going to financially make it. But, here's what I'm going to do tomorrow:
get my home care ipad password corrected and schedule my first home care patient
get my reimbursement check from church and deposit that
call Prudential to make sure they got my cancellation letter
call Aflac to cancel that accidental insurance policy
go to work at the bakery
On Tuesday I plan to talk with the crossfit people to see if we can work out a deal to lower my monthly payment and still be able to work out a couple of times per week.
see what I need to do to update my passport which expires this year.
and that's all I have. No idea, other than work at the bakery, what will happen after that. But hoping to God something comes along this month that is more positive.
feeling discouraged.
Friday, December 30, 2016
December 30, 2016
Haven't blogged in quite a while.
and perhaps 2017 is the year to get back into it. 2016 has been great. I quit that job that was sucking the life out of me. I went back to school and have learned so much! It's been very useful to be able to focus on school and things I can do differently at work going forward. If I could go back to the beginning at CMH there are so may things I would have done differently. Perhaps I would still be there, who knows. Maybe not.
So, I'm looking for social work jobs again in smaller nonprofits. I still want to move into more of a management role so I may start again at the bottom. Which also means a much smaller salary but that's ok. Now I know better what to do at work to be seen as a leader.
And I have some goals for 2017.
Work out 5 days a week at crossfit (which I love doing!)
follow a real diet plan
pay off 1 credit card
finish my nonprofit certificate
go back to Mexico in August
develop the UM Urban Ministry with Pastor Williams
The biggest goal is to be a positive person. No more all negative talk. It's ok to vent frustrations, but there are always solutions. Life is short. No more complaining. Tomorrow is never promised so make the most of today.
I'm going to try and blog one time per month to track how I'm doing.
So starting next week I'll be here keeping myself accountable.
Haven't blogged in quite a while.
and perhaps 2017 is the year to get back into it. 2016 has been great. I quit that job that was sucking the life out of me. I went back to school and have learned so much! It's been very useful to be able to focus on school and things I can do differently at work going forward. If I could go back to the beginning at CMH there are so may things I would have done differently. Perhaps I would still be there, who knows. Maybe not.
So, I'm looking for social work jobs again in smaller nonprofits. I still want to move into more of a management role so I may start again at the bottom. Which also means a much smaller salary but that's ok. Now I know better what to do at work to be seen as a leader.
And I have some goals for 2017.
Work out 5 days a week at crossfit (which I love doing!)
follow a real diet plan
pay off 1 credit card
finish my nonprofit certificate
go back to Mexico in August
develop the UM Urban Ministry with Pastor Williams
The biggest goal is to be a positive person. No more all negative talk. It's ok to vent frustrations, but there are always solutions. Life is short. No more complaining. Tomorrow is never promised so make the most of today.
I'm going to try and blog one time per month to track how I'm doing.
So starting next week I'll be here keeping myself accountable.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
when you're done you're done
There comes that time when you know you're done. With a relationship, with a job--which is also a relationship of sorts. I know I am done. For so long I thought I would be sad about leaving and that it would be hard. Now I don't think so.
I was watching the Ninja challenge on NBC last night. A guy on the show said that at some point maybe he would get a real job. But realized he has a dream and said "who wants a real job any way?" I said, you don't want a "real job." I knew what he meant, an 8-5 job, daily grind, daily commute, clock in and out, type of job. I know a certain level of certainty comes with that type of job. An guaranteed income, benefits, insurance, vacation. But at what price? Does certainty mean happiness?
I admire people who go after a dream rather that "a real job." I wish I had that kind of courage.
And last week a couple of people said they are planning a trip to Mozambique next summer. I wanted to go and the old fears of uncertainty crept in..money and would I have enough? Wanting to move and having enough money for moving and traveling. Then I thought to myself, this is exactly the fear that has kept me from doing the trips I've wanted to do in the past. The regrets I looked back on now and wish I had gone on the trip instead of worrying if I had enough money.
And then I thought I want to go. And if I live every day towards that goal of doing the big things I like, instead of doing the little things I do in order to cope with the life I have--and don't like---then I would have the money. It's a switch in thinking. Not worrying, yet prioritizing what my dream is.
God give me the courage and opportunity to do what you have put in my heart. To go forward without fear or hesitation. To not worry about the what if's. To know that you will provide for everything I need, and that I already have everything I need to survive. Now I need to live. Really live every day, not just a few times a year or once in a while.
The first step's always the hardest one to take---it's a leap of faith.
I was watching the Ninja challenge on NBC last night. A guy on the show said that at some point maybe he would get a real job. But realized he has a dream and said "who wants a real job any way?" I said, you don't want a "real job." I knew what he meant, an 8-5 job, daily grind, daily commute, clock in and out, type of job. I know a certain level of certainty comes with that type of job. An guaranteed income, benefits, insurance, vacation. But at what price? Does certainty mean happiness?
I admire people who go after a dream rather that "a real job." I wish I had that kind of courage.
And last week a couple of people said they are planning a trip to Mozambique next summer. I wanted to go and the old fears of uncertainty crept in..money and would I have enough? Wanting to move and having enough money for moving and traveling. Then I thought to myself, this is exactly the fear that has kept me from doing the trips I've wanted to do in the past. The regrets I looked back on now and wish I had gone on the trip instead of worrying if I had enough money.
And then I thought I want to go. And if I live every day towards that goal of doing the big things I like, instead of doing the little things I do in order to cope with the life I have--and don't like---then I would have the money. It's a switch in thinking. Not worrying, yet prioritizing what my dream is.
God give me the courage and opportunity to do what you have put in my heart. To go forward without fear or hesitation. To not worry about the what if's. To know that you will provide for everything I need, and that I already have everything I need to survive. Now I need to live. Really live every day, not just a few times a year or once in a while.
The first step's always the hardest one to take---it's a leap of faith.
Friday, July 4, 2014
what is the best of my life
I've done very well this week eating lunches from home, walking almost every day, keeping on top of things. And what are the bigger picture things. What exactly does the best of my life look like? Last night Tim and I were at our favorite watering hole, sitting outside with some friends we have met at that bar. It was a beautiful night and I thought about how lucky we are to be in the USA, having a drink, sitting outside enjoying good company. This is what life is about--enjoying these moments and I wanted more of those. So I began to ponder how to make the best of my life while I was making salsa verde for the family cookout this evening.
I still hope for a job that is a little less intense. I don't mind being busy, but social work is too intense. Still working and looking for that opportunity.
Less of a commute and a more flexible schedule.
I'd like to see some places I haven't been. Yellowstone for one. Return to San Francisco and see the redwoods, maybe wine country. France, Italy, Australia. I'd go back to Hawaii but see a different Island. My ultimate trip is the Maldives---I've seen pictures and would love to see it in person. Plus I'd get to layover in Dubai and I think it would be interesting to see a middle eastern country.
Have a home that's less maintenance. I know a townhome community I'd like to live in that's also beside a walking trail and stream. I need to have faith in that timing of selling Tim's house and finding the right place there. If not there, then some place similar. I'd like to come home to a sanctuary. (of course, convincing Tim we need to live there too! HA! I think it does have what we both want).
Be able to run again. Not run fast or compete, but just run easy and feel good.
Do a mission trip every year out of the country. I really enjoy that kind of travel and supporting developing countries.
These are all doable things. I doing all little things every day, leads to having the bigger things.
I still hope for a job that is a little less intense. I don't mind being busy, but social work is too intense. Still working and looking for that opportunity.
Less of a commute and a more flexible schedule.
I'd like to see some places I haven't been. Yellowstone for one. Return to San Francisco and see the redwoods, maybe wine country. France, Italy, Australia. I'd go back to Hawaii but see a different Island. My ultimate trip is the Maldives---I've seen pictures and would love to see it in person. Plus I'd get to layover in Dubai and I think it would be interesting to see a middle eastern country.
Have a home that's less maintenance. I know a townhome community I'd like to live in that's also beside a walking trail and stream. I need to have faith in that timing of selling Tim's house and finding the right place there. If not there, then some place similar. I'd like to come home to a sanctuary. (of course, convincing Tim we need to live there too! HA! I think it does have what we both want).
Be able to run again. Not run fast or compete, but just run easy and feel good.
Do a mission trip every year out of the country. I really enjoy that kind of travel and supporting developing countries.
These are all doable things. I doing all little things every day, leads to having the bigger things.
Monday, June 30, 2014
the rest of my life will be the best of my life
Going back to my college cross country team made me think back on those days. I wonder what my life had become if I knew some of the things then that I know now. If I had the confidence, the insight that I have learned over the years. But then I have to remember the people I have met on this road, that I would not have met if I had made different choices. I might not have met the amazing people at College Hill UMC who taught me about love and the value of being with others. Brook who I met at my first social work job who taught me to chill and have fun. She always believed in me. Friends Amy, Becky, Jennifer, Mary--all from Wichita. They are still great friends, especially Jennifer and Mary who also live in KC now. I have my church and the amazing trips to Mozambique--the trips that changed my whole life. My awesome girlfriends, Becca, Shari, Sarah and Joy. I might not have joined the JM fan club and met people all over the country and seen concerts every where. And Tim and his family, who showed me what family love is all about.
So, I just have to think I was who I was and did the best I could with what I had at the time. So I go forward and make the rest of my life the best of my life.
Today I tried my new thinking of taking care of the small stuff every day. My documentation is caught up at work, I ate what I took for lunch, at dinner at home, went on a walk/job with the dog, picked up stuff, and now am spending some time reflecting on life.
So, I just have to think I was who I was and did the best I could with what I had at the time. So I go forward and make the rest of my life the best of my life.
Today I tried my new thinking of taking care of the small stuff every day. My documentation is caught up at work, I ate what I took for lunch, at dinner at home, went on a walk/job with the dog, picked up stuff, and now am spending some time reflecting on life.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
balance
I went to my college coach's retirement last night. Such a fun evening seeing old running mates and remembering the days of running cross country and track. Coach Helmer talked as well and was inspiring as ever.
It reminded me of such valuable lessons learned back then. One that stands out to me the most is balance in life. He didn't want us to just focus on running. We needed to be successful in the classroom and have time with friends and family. He also taught us that not every practice is race day, not every race is the Olympics, and an Olympic race is not judgement day. We certainly had days when we practiced hard. But those would be followed by days of running an easy pace to recover. He said if we didn't we would end up injured.
That same principal can be taken into anything in life. Day in and day out of constantly driving yourself at work or at home will take it's toll eventually. Rest days are needed too. To rest our emotional and spiritual muscles. We need to be able to just be, and enjoy the run, the company and friendship of those around us.
It reminded me of such valuable lessons learned back then. One that stands out to me the most is balance in life. He didn't want us to just focus on running. We needed to be successful in the classroom and have time with friends and family. He also taught us that not every practice is race day, not every race is the Olympics, and an Olympic race is not judgement day. We certainly had days when we practiced hard. But those would be followed by days of running an easy pace to recover. He said if we didn't we would end up injured.
That same principal can be taken into anything in life. Day in and day out of constantly driving yourself at work or at home will take it's toll eventually. Rest days are needed too. To rest our emotional and spiritual muscles. We need to be able to just be, and enjoy the run, the company and friendship of those around us.
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